Blah
by Asakihe
Summary: A collection of randomness and idiotic nonsense. Chapter four: Hao's reaction
1. Letter: Part one

Blah: Nonsense Collector

Note: You can skip the paragraph below. It's just full of random babbling of total mind destruction. Or, you can just chose to skip the whole story, because it contains the mentioned horror.

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You are probably wondering why I chose the title "Blah" (Or not). Why couldn't I have made the title "Marshmallows" instead? Well, my dear readers, the answer is simple. What is it, you may ask? Well…the answer is…because….Drum roll in the background I DON'T KNOW! –D GASP OH NO! WHERE IS MY OTHER EYE?

Disclaimer: This is FANFICTION.

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It all began on one normal morning. A very normal one indeed. Well, what all began on this normal morning, one may ask…but the answer is always the same: No one knows.

As always, normal mornings include the wonders of many. And so does normal nights. And afternoons. And-I'll shut up now.

ANYWAYS, the paragraph-like-thingys above has completely nothing to do with the story. :Pause: Yes, I can sense your anger. Coming out to kill me now. Did I forget to mention that reading this will cause you brain damage? So, what this is really about, is…well…it's about letters of insanity. Yes, I am posting this on to damage innocent people's brains. In a not-so-deadly voice and crappy horror music in the background Like yours.

* * *

To: Hao-sama and Ren

A mail to your pointless favor

* * *

Hi and happy up and coming bored-day! I understand your pure happiness of un logical explanations. It is very clear to me that you have fulfilled your destiny to rule the world…I mean, that to Hao, and to Ren, to drink 10000000000000000000000000000 gallons of milk. Oh, and also Hao, for finding out Opacho's gender. Now we shall stare blankly at this paper and start doing all kinds of weird stuff to it, like what, I don't know. After that we will sit here and do nothing in particular for complete boredom.

Let's all scream until our voice boxes has no more voice and our lungs has no more air, due to the fact that we are bored out of our minds. We can also try bungee-jumping off a cliff without any safety equipments. Or, we can stab our selves in the wrist and go to heaven. When we are in heaven, we can destroy that place and then be dropped down into hell. In hell, we can act too nice and be pushed up in the middle, which is here, where we become alive again after dying. And now we sit there, our minds blank, having pure terror of boredom. Now we shall sit until we fossilize.

I will say a magic word, making a package appear out of no where. In the package, you will find these items: This note, a bar of soap for you to get a brain wash so you will feel all relaxed with nothing in your mind. The package also contains an up-coming bored-day party for you, nothing, the opposite of something, and not anything in particular. This package is obviously sent by duh, double duh and too duh to be true.

You have now gained a fair percentage of brain damage after reading this completely pointless and crappy letter. The percent is 100. For the terrific cause, I will only charge you a cheap half a cent. You have now currently gained one more hint of brain damage, making it 101. Now you shall go on to read this piece of useless…thing Oo. Anyways, back to the point. Thank you for your impatience. You may now read on until the percentage of your brain damage is 200.

NOW OBVIOUSLY, TURN THE PAGE.

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FOLLOW WHAT THE LETTER SAYS! OR ELSE! Uh…:Threatens with a marshmallow:


	2. Letter: Part two

Blah: Nonsense Collector

Disclaimer: I don't own it...

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We can get on sugar highs and go insane. We could also try drowning, you real, me trying, and then screaming when there are already no more voices in our voice boxes. Another way to spend your lifeless time during your bored-day is to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, YOU AND ME! (Wait...Hao already did that. Ah well. :Shoves Hao off the throne:) We shall go on every ride in the world, switch the rich with the poor (which will be switched over and over again because when the rich becomes poor, they will have to switch again), and chat on msn at 4:00 a.m. with everyone watching. But that everyone does nothing about it because they have no power.

In a not-so-conclusion-ish conclusion, you can see that life is totally pointless. I mean, if you switch a world ruler with a stationary ruler, no one will notice! Just look at how the people are like in anime (Ren:Twitch, twitch:)! The looks and the hair styles has GOT to mess a person up (Ren:Kills:). While baking, you can try a recipe that makes no sense, but does referring to the point that life also makes no sense. Now, observe my chocolate chip cookie recipe…

First, go to your garden and smash up some flowers. Pour that into a bowl. Grab a can of soda from the fridge and mix that up in the bowl with some eggs, along with chips covered in chocolate. Stir that up and place it on a cookie plate. Set the oven to the highest degree and slide the mixture into there. Leave it there for ten thousand years and be amazed at how the oven didn't blow up. Also be surprised at how you are still alive. And there you have it. Over-baked chocolate chip cookies that are now burned into ashes.

Now you shall wave as the curtains roam over the stage, which are the pieces of papers you are holding in your very hands. You will read: good bye, as I say:

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THIS HAS BEEN A "WeIrDo" PRESENTS MOMENT. JOIN ME NEXT TIME AS YOU GET THROWN INTO A MENTAL HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF YOU FUTURE BRAIN DAMAGE. THANK YOU IF YOU BELIEVE THAT I AM NO MORE SANE AFTER WRITING THIS. HAVE FUN. ENJOY YOUR TIME GOING CRAZY!

Boredly,  
Duhs

* * *

Aww! Isn't that so nice of the "DUH" family? Well, Please R and R!


	3. Ren's reaction

Blah: Nonsense Collector

Note: If the story doesn't flow properly, don't sue me, because it's not supposed to. Or is it? OO Anyways, brain cells shall be damaged and killed in a slow and painful death after reading each chapter.

…

Please ignore me.

Warnings: Dangerous Food-killer Ren alert! I hope Ren fans aren't disappointed…cause they might be…PLEASE DON'T BE!

Disclaimer: DO I HAVE TO TYPE THIS THING? FINE! Shaman king is not mine.

* * *

Ren signed. It had been a long day of milk drinking, and guess what? NO ONE has congratulated him yet! It didn't come to his mind that it was because he hadn't told anyone. Maybe he didn't actually need the letter to kill his brain cells…:Ahem: Forget that.

Ren panicked around the whole town in 5 seconds, due the very much calcium he got. He panicked for one more second, until…A giant cheese ball fell from the sky and Ren ate it. And no, my dear readers, I am not joking around. I won't say "Kidding!" in the next sentence.

Kidding!

Opposite.

"OMG! LIKE, IT'S A LETTER!" Ren squealed, after chomping up the cheese ball. The moment he opened the letter, he tore it and ate it. Suddenly, another cheese ball fell from the sky. Inside, was another letter. Ren devoured it again. After a hundred decimal 1437852497345173525 letters later, Ren was too full to eat anymore, so, he did the next best thing: He licked it. "Mmm…lead…"

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Ren: WHAT THE MILKS? I'M NOT STUPID! Give me one reasonable…reason of why I should be that way!

Me: I'm typing this. Duh.

Ren: SOOOO?

Me: Your brain cells died.

Ren:COVER YOUR EYES HERE: I ONLY SAID THAT I WANT ICE CREAM!

Me: Toooooo bad. Now I shall continue ruin your life. I MEAN! Now I will continue making you the main character of this chapter so that you can have your shame shown to the world. FAME. Yes, I said fame.

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…S.T.A.R.T.O.V.E.R…

* * *

Ren opened the door. "HIIII! DON'T DO ANYTHING TO THIS LETTER OR ELSE I'LL SEND FANGIRLS AFTER YOU! BYE!" A random guy XDed. Ren rolled his eyes. "I'm not scared of fangirls." And sadly, that is true. The bell rang again. "HIIIIII! Again. IF YOU DON'T READ THE LETTER, I'LL KILL ALL MILK! Hey, that rhymed! YAY!" And off the random dude went. If you actually put spy cameras in Ren's house, then you'd see that he was rocking back and fourth, eyes wide, hair weird. Oh wait. It was always weird.

Ren opened the letter. He was about to eat it, when he remembered that all milk will die. And if milk is gone, he would not need the letter to give him a literal brain wash. So, Ren read it.

After scanning the pages over, he did the happy dance. He then died of brain cell loss. I meant, happiness.

Then, Pilika (Spelling?) came along. When she saw the dead Ren on the ground, she cried. And cried. And cried. AND. Okay. "NOOOOOOOO! REN! OH NO RENNN! DON'T LEAVE ME!" She turned around and saw…a KRABBY PATTY (spelling?)! She gasped. "Oooooh…" And off she went. Despite that fact that he was supposed to be dead now, he jumped up and decided to save the world.

Ren: DUN DUN DUN:Looks around: DUN DUN DUN :Sees Hao:

Hao: NOOOO! Where's my hair gel! I SHALL KILL WHOEVER TOOK IT:Thinks: Oh wait. I rule the world. :Grabs a microphone out of mid-air: YOOO! I want a sidekick for positively no reason:Thinks: Wasn't about to make everyone drown themselves in peanut butter:Shrugs: Oh well.

Ren: Hey, cool:Thinks: Maybe I should be his sidekick! It's better then having super low fashion sense. :Looks at …: I shall consider dropping my overly-dramatic heroic act and become… :Erases the "S" on his shirt to become an "E": A VILLAN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA :Choke:

Hao: NOOOOOOO! MY SIDEKICK! NO:Shrugs: Oh well.

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And there you have it. This totally messed up chapter of Ren's reaction. Honestly, I think that this chapter has completely nothing to do with it. Ah well.

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**Next Chapter:**

Hao: I feel weird.

Ren: Of course you do. It's only normal that you feel weird, because that is actually when you feel normal. Because it isn't normal to feel normal, it is only normal to feel weird. So when you feel weird, it is actually that you feel very normal. However, if you feel normal, that's when you really feel weird.

Hao:Nods: I agree.

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READ AND REVIEW! 


	4. Hao's reaction

**Blah: Nonsense collector  
**  
Alright! Who's a lazy bum? ME! No, if you were thinking, I am not proud of it. XX Blah. I just LOVE this word! (Fangirl squeal) … (cough) You can ignore me now…

Hao: I feel weird.

Ren: Of course you do. It's only normal that you feel weird, because that is actually when you feel normal. Because it isn't normal to feel normal, it is only normal to feel weird. So when you feel weird, it is actually that you feel very normal. However, if you feel normal, that's when you really feel weird.

Hao: (Nods) I agree.

Ren: (Nods proudly)

Hao: …OH MY GOD REN REN REN (etc)

Ren: Yes?

Hao: REN REN REN REN (etc)

Ren: What? (Pointy hair on the loose now…)

Hao: REN REN REN REN REN REN-

Ren: WHAT!

Hao: Okay, Ren?

Ren: (Is dying…again) What!

Hao: You were making too much sense….

Ren: (GASP)

Author: (GASP) Oopes… (Disappears by diving into a marshmallow)

Ren: (GASP)

Hao: …

Ren: …

Hao: …

Ren: …

Hao: …This is getting way too repetitive.

Ren: Yes, it is. (Completely off…err…topic?) Had you noticed that we are the only ones in this story?

Hao: Why, yes. You know what? This is a great sign of appreciation and GLORY!

Author: (Offstage) What? There was a stage? Anyways… (Camera still stays on her) … WHAT! I had a camera?

Hao: (Does his happy dance)

Author: He really has no idea that I'm putting them in this story to torture them, does he? (Random marshmallow peeps shakes their heads)

Ren: (Nods) Yes. However, this does not change the fact that this story is BLAH, right?

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: Do you want to stay here?

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: This is getting boring.

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: STOP NODDING! WHAT! Is you head merely attached to a spring!

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: …

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: …this isn't funny anymore. Do you know what we can do?

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: YOU DO?

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: Nevermind, you don't.

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: Anyways…WE CAN GO TO MARS!

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: ALRIGHT! Now, all we need to do is attach a Popsicle Stick to an elephant, so we can fly, miracle-ly breathing in space.

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: (Does above…not the nodding) Blah.

Hao: (Nods)

Ren: Actually, let's just eat doughnuts.

Hao: (Nods)

And….That's the end. Yup.

…

What! You were actually smart enough to notice that the scroll bar still has 241035435340135536511.3684658735071 millimeters left until the bottom of the page? Well, GASP! Had all the reading of my chapters not erased most of your brain cells?

…

Yes…this means that it was a false beginning. (Tomatoes are thrown at her) Yes, I know that you are so happy for now that I've wasted a part of your life and your brain cells.

Now, the REAL start…

Asakihe presents…

An Asakihe production…

An Asakihe fanfiction…

With auto Asakihe brain torture…

Actors: Missing

Stuff: Missing

Other Stuff: Missing

Weirdness: Missing

Background Music: …

(Does happy dance) I have just wasted more of your life. I feel so happy now. Anyways…

Asakihe ACTUALLY presents…

An Asakihe production…For real this time!

An Asakihe fanfiction…

With auto Asakihe brain torture…

And…START!

Hao's Reaction

Hao: (Drops letter) Oh my god… (GASP) This reminds me of….ZEKE! AHHH! MY MIND! IT'S MELTING!

Random interviewers: (Pops out of nowhere) So, ZEKE, how do you like your dubbed name?

Hao: XX It sucks more then you.

Random interviewers: There's so much of us. Which one are you talking about?

Hao: You.

Random interviewers: …

Hao: THAT'S IT! I'm going to buy evil pancakes!

Ren: (pops out of no where) Dear readers, thank you for actually (wasting your time to) read this fanfiction. The author appreciates how you sacrifice your brain cells for her.

Hao: Of course, that is, if they even had any to being with.

Ren: Hao, that's mean. Not that I care.

Hao: Neither do I. Would you like to go for a sip of tea?

Ren: Yes, I would.

(They leave)

XD I know what you're thinking right now...that this chapter had completely nothing to do with Hao's reaction. BUT! That, my dear readers, is the exact reason why I named it that. Does it make any sense? No?

I thought so.

R AND R PLEASE! I BEG YOU!


End file.
